bring money and cleavage
should my penis look like a turkey
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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