the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
