3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
