Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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