What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
