If i could tip my vagina, i would.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
