i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
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