Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
