take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
