My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
