This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
