kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
