I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
