oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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