My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
