I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
