My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
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