The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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