I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
