I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
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