Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
