Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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