The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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