I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
