You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
