you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
