what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
