I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Randomize
