Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
