did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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