So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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