So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
