I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
