I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
