The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Are my feet made of real feet?
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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