it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
You can't special order awesome
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Randomize
