Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
