I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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