I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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