If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
