first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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