let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
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