I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
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