Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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