Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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