and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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