As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
