i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
