I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
tonight lets celebrate not being married
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
