He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Randomize
