you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
