why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
