Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize