You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
