I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
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I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
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Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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