Small penises have feelings too.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
