Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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