I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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