I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize