in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
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You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
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I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I had to cum in my sink.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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