She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
