do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
People with herpes should wear stickers.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
