Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize
