It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
