I wish my penis had an off switch
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
