We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
