Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
