Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
