I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
