Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I fill condoms, not promises.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
