I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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