i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
